Not Everything Gets Better with Time

Brenna Parker

Humber College Public Relations student

Tips on how to get away with not showering for a week

 

Let me paint a picture for you: the morning shower.

You wake up and force yourself out of the warm cocoon of your bed and then strip off yet another layer of warmth before stepping under a stream of either very hot or, in my case, very cold water. Just once you think you might be able to adjust to your new, extreme body temperature, you must shut off the water and, while wet and naked, face the Arctic climate that is your own bathroom. After this, you are forced to endure the horrible sensation of a dirty or damp towel wrapped around you, all so that your skin is left dry and your hair flat and body-less.

Who would want to start their day off like this?

…Apparently the answer to this question is many people. Some desire to do this twice a day—it’s these people that I cannot understand. But, if you are like me and wouldn’t mind putting it off for as long possible, here are some useful tips on getting away with that in our modern, urban society:

  1. Be strategic with your scent—two is better than one

The most common factor forcing one to shower is their body odours. Showers are not the only solution for this. I use Phoenix, Axe deodorant each day because men’s deodorant has a stronger, fresher smell. I also use a small amount of Biosilk in my hair; not only does it make it soft, but it also smells wonderful. Doing this instead of one blast of strong perfume makes for a more convincing case that I’ve showered.

  1. Focus on the money-maker

People pay most attention to your face, so keep it convincing. Washing your face is quick, easy and definitely the lesser of two evils when it comes to showering. When I do remember to take off my makeup at night, I use Aveeno makeup removing wipes, and then moisturize my face using coconut oil—which serves a multitude of other purposes, and I would suggest investing in a large jar of it. In the morning I reapply my makeup, which consists of three or four coats of mascara. With a fresh looking face that doesn’t have a lot of apparent product or build of makeup on it, your skin will appear much cleaner.

  1. Your hair holds the secret

Much like Gretchen Wieners, our hair is full of secrets, the most important one being the date of our last shower. This is why we have dry shampoo or, it’s cheaper equivalent, baby powder.

Below I have outlined a hairstyle schedule that will help you keep your secret.

  • Day one and two:   Safe to wear your hair down.
  • Day three:                 French braid.
  • Day four:                   Half up in a bun—this hides the most notorious problem area.
  • Day five:                    High ponytail or bun.
  • Day six:                      If possible wear a hood or hat of some sort… Or stay home.
  • Day seven:                Give up and shower.

When I explain my aversion for showering, most argue that a shower puts you in a good mood for the rest of the day. I would argue that my good mood depends on my ability to evade the morning shower yet again. If you’re like myself and don’t sweat a lot or have naturally greasy hair, then why not make an effort to do what makes you happiest without it being at the expense of others around you?

 

 

 

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